"Marriages are fragile. They must be nurtured and potected if they are to survive for a lifetime."
- Dr. James Dobson
Ah! This perennial debate of whether arranged marriages work or the love marriages. As per me, it doesn't really matter whether one has a love marriage or an arranged one with his/her partner. What really matters is how they make the marriage work :) And so ultimately it comes down to the two persons in the relationship who make it or break it. Sometimes even two good, mature persons prove to be incompatible with each other and sometimes two diagonally opposite persons fall and remain in love all through their life. Such is the conundrum of Love.
Some marriages fail not because of their type (not because it was a love marriage or the arranged one), rather because they had got it all wrong while forming opinions about their partner they got married to. And sometimes we would have formed some expectations which they don't meet.
We carry expectations and wish that our partner would fulfill them. But when they don't meet our expectations, we feel disheartened. You get to know a person better and correctly only when you live with him/her for a considerable amount of time (No, I am not advocating for the live-in relationships here). But the fact is that every relationship needs time to evolve and these days we are judging people very fast, we aren't taking enough time to understand the other person. Say for example, Mohit and Shriya fall in love and eventually get married. But after marriage when they find that they have more differences than similarities, instead of working out their differences, they take the easy way out to end it, they don't make that much efforts to make the relationship work. Every relationship needs some adjustments to be made. But not everyone is ready to make some compromises. It takes love, understanding, a whole lot of communication and a bit of compromise -- some give and take -- from both partners (it should, no doubt, be two-sided) to make the marriage work. No two individuals will ever be similar in their thoughts and opinions and so there may be times when they disagree with each other and but what will make their relationship more stronger is when they both understand and respect each other and their opinions and views inspite of their disagreements. whether the love between them keeps growing inspite of their nok jhonk and tu tu main main, whether each person feels as much independent as before and yet be dependent upon his/her other half for emotional support. As they say, it's not about how you ended up here (love marriage or arranged one), it's more about how you take it from here and live through the journey and make it enjoyable, it's more about how you bring about that matrimonial bliss in your relationship.
Be it a love marriage or an arranged one, a marriage works only when the couple love and respect each other in spite of their differences. Mutual respect and accepting the differences is the single most factor that determines whether a relationship would work or not. All strong relationships especially marriage and friendships thrive on accepting and respecting their differences. Both the partners need to understand that if they want to have a thriving, healthy relationship then it would require some give and take, some adjustments and all of that would be worth it in the long run. They also need to communicate more between themselves. One doesn't really need words to communicate with his/her other half. Taking out time for him/her and even doing the little tid bit things (preparing coffee for your tired wife or helping her out in the kitchen will do, I am sure will elicit a smile.
But sadly there exist in this world another group of people who we have come into a time when people judge you by our outer attributes, form opinions about you going by the inanimate objects you possess or the expensive gifts that you give them! And if that is the case, I am afraid, you will never be able to meet their expectations and no matter how much harder you try, the relationship won't work (be it a love marriage or an arranged marriage). One needs to understand that we all will age oneday, we won't remain as beautiful from outside as we are today. But what will stay forever is his/her kindness, the goodhearted nature, his/her thoughtfulness. If you can find these qualities in your partner, trust me, he/she is the one for you :) Then it would not matter whether yours was a love marriage or an arranged one.
